Monday, January 26, 2009

The Age Old Question

Right now I feel like I am at a crossroads.

I am currently writing freelance articles for a local newspaper, I have my photography business (which has slowed down significantly) and I am not sure what to do next.

Ever since I was about in eighth grade, I have known what I wanted to do. I knew that I wanted to become a journalist, I was going to go to Columbia School of Journalism in New York City, get a job at Rolling Stone magazine and interview Paul McCartney for a cover article at some point.

During the journey from my eighth grade self to my now self this has changed a lot. I knew that if I would go to NYC I would be going completely on my own. My boyfriend (now husband) would not be going with me, my parents (who I am very close to) would be really far away, and I just thought I did not want to give up what I already had.

So I decided to go to a college that was closer to home, and had a really good program, than to pursue my dream of living in a big city and experiencing that exciting life.

Right before I graduated, I started my job at a local radio station. While working at the radio station I started another job working on developing the downtown where we live. I really enjoyed my job and thought I was giving a lot back to the community in which I grew up.

After this job, I really didn't know what to do next. I had always had the proverbial branch right there to grab on to before I had to let go of the previous one. Now, I was in a free fall and not sure what to do.

I decided to do the photography business, and then talked to an old boss of mine when I was a freelancer back in college and he got me into where I am freelancing now.

You would think that because I make my own schedule, I am doing what I went to college for, and I have a wonderful husband that supports me in my endeavors, I would be contented and happy.

But, for some reason I am not. I keep looking back and seeing the dreams that I had, and I see how I am nowhere where I thought I would be. I guess I had just always pictured my life to be a little different than it is now.

In a way I feel almost trapped. The town that I live in is an old coal mining town, not that there is anything wrong with being a coal mining town, but coal has died out a long time ago, and people refuse to believe this. So the town has stagnated. The quality of life is horrible. The theatre in the town is slowly sinking, so is the public library and no one wants to really do anything about it except say, "We are going to do a study" or form committees that never actually meet. People have just lost hope. There are not that many young people in the town, and the older population cannot understand why. There are no jobs for people with college degrees, and housing is so over priced. Oh, and I forgot, the city is bankrupt and taxes for housing within city limits is ridiculous.

I got a little off prompt here, but I guess what I am trying to figure out is the age old question, what should I do with my life?

There has always been a part of me that thought about going to law school. So I have been doing research on this and I found out it is really expensive! I knew it was not going to be cheap, but I did not think it would be that expensive.

This has lead to numerous questions, and several anxiety attacks, like how can I pay for this, what if I do not like it, what if I cannot get a job, what would I have to sacrifice in order to become a lawyer?

I am really scarred. I have never been in this position before. I just wish there was a way I could know exactly what to do.

For now, I think I will continue to study for the LSAT, take it and see how it goes and go from there.

Wish me luck. If you have a map that shows me how to navigate through this, could you send me a copy?

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